Three reasons why UCLA will beat Fresno State

September 25th, 2008, 7:00 am · Post a Comment · posted by Adam Maya, staff writer since 2006

Why will UCLA beat Fresno State? Look no further than Matt Damon, Vince Vaughn and Mike Myers.

1. Remember when Mike Myers said “She will be mine again, oh yes, she will be mine again,” in “Wayne’s World 2,” ripping off his very own, “She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine,” from “Wayne’s World”?

Before the season Coach Neuheisel used the ever-popular, “It is what it is,” to describe his troubled past. Asked a similar question after beating Tennessee, he went past tense and said, “It was what it was.” How brilliant. One game into the season and those violations were denounced as if they ocurred decades ago. Neuheisel made the whole thing sound nostalgic.

Then, two days after losing to Arizona, Neuheisel said of his team, “We are who we are.” Some saw this as resignation, but not me. No, I see Neuheisel paving the way for an entirely new yet unoriginal diction. I can see it now, Neuheisel glistening at the podium moments after UCLA beats Fresno State: “We win when we win.”

2. Remember how in “Good Will Hunting” Matt Damon is a certified genius, but is entrenched with a group of Boston Southies who do little more than drive around, lounge at pubs, and pick fights (not necessarily in that order)?

The UCLA defense is good enough to win a football game by itself. It has scored two touchdowns this season, which is equal to the offense’s output. It kept the Bruins close long enough for them to steal a victory against Tennessee. UCLA also trailed Arizona this past weekend by just a touchdown going into the fourth quarter, giving the Bruins a chance to steal that one too. I’d say the defense still has a near-perfect game in its back pocket (a la 2006 against USC).

3. Remember the intro of “Wedding Crashers” when close buddies Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson unexpectedly crash that first wedding?

We know about Chane Moline (Mission Viejo High) and Derrick Coleman (Troy High) for years. But you can bet it was a surprise to Aizona when the two County backs jumpstarted UCLA’s rushing game. They will now embark on a fantastic journey that, just like in the movie, will culminate in a meeting with USC fan Will Ferrell.

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